i'm sorry..

after so many years..still..many ppl worry about..or concern about me..is this the life i suppose to gone through..?making ppl i care a lot..a love a lot..to worry about me..?i dont wan that to happen..

do u understand how does it feel..when out of sudden..the fren tht u care so much..who was talking with u..concerning about u..asking about u..worrying about u..cry in front of u..yes?no?u dont know?well..i know it very well..

could anyone tell me..why is this happening to me..?why must i hurt a gal after a gal..?why must i making them worry about me..?there are too many WHY questions but blank answer in my mind..

mayb i'm just a jerk..who likes to make ppl worry about me...cry in silence..i dont deserve ur tears..i'm just nobody but some1 who doesnt deserve these kind of attention..

faces after faces are now appearing my mind as i typed..i still could remember who..& how painful it was when a gal is crying in front of u..& i didnt do anything at all every single time it happens..quietly,scolding & blaming myself for making a gal cry..there's two women i need to take care of in my house,so i promised not to make any gal cry long ago..but i failed..

i thought i learnt the lesson..i thought i know wat am i suppose to do,suppose to avoid..but..i cant..i cant do anything..it just happen..just a wind blows..u can feel it but cant dodge it..why i hav gone all through these kind of experience..

lately..i upset some1,again..i feel extremely bad..& once again,due to my stupidness,i did nothing to cheer her up..i was only able to watch,doing nothing,like an idiot once again..how i wish she just slap me,wake me up from the reality..

once a gal told me..why i wouldnt share my stories,my sadness with her..she was pushing me with all her might..but i remain quiet throughout the conversation..i still remember,it was around 3am in the morning..all the others left the hall but two of us..she cried & i was shocked..she was known the be the strongest gal in her sch & yet,she cried because of me..i felt bad..really really bad..now,she even call once in awhile to check on me..i appreciate her attention very much..i regreted tht i could not do anything better for her..

i dont know..wat can i do..wat should i do..wat i must do..to change everything..back to normal..to change it,so i can live normally..without..hurting ppl..again and again..

pls tell me how..