wake me up..when september ends..

i feel happy when people around me are happy and vice versa..i dont know why but i will try my best to make them happy even it doesnt related to me..even if i have to lie about something..even if i need to be somebody that i dont like..as long that they are happy..i'm fine with it..



out of the sudden,i re-call the moment..the day..when i force myself to give the answer 'i am confuse right now' and even after i purposely intro someone to her..and i remember how i used to be in the past regarding this matter..but still i couldn't lie to myself now..the difference is just i step in too deep this time..i am in trouble?perhaps i am..



the fact that she doesnt know the actual truth doesnt bother me..but the worst case is that i'm doing something to her which i shouldnt even started it earlier..i feel bad lying to her,and did 'that' purposely for a few times..it sure hurts a lot..a lot damages..be it mentally or physically..



i did the 'stupid' plan again..from the 1st step till the last step,it is all calculated,no mistake at all..but now it doesnt depend on me to make a u-turn..i am not the one who can decide the outcome of the plan..somehow it differs a little than i planned..shall i stay strong or give in?


and again,knowing the fact that there is something happen behind your back doesnt feel good,at all..i am not dumb or an idiot who do not know how to read a body language..i know everything that happen,in and out..or at least,i sense it..hehe

i guess what goes around comes around..since this is the way i treated someone(s) in my past,now,i get it back..it doesnt feel good of course,and now i know how and why it is so..

and last but not least,its hard to keep a secret..there are only two person here know about the truth,and they are protecting it for me(thanks guys)..i even appreciate it that they try to make things better for me..but to be frank,it might not work as it needs a green light from both side..i am still in the plan's outcome progress and hopefully this green light wont spoil it..like someone said,if u going to die,make sure u die alone,dont let others to know about it,sad and cry about it..although i dont really agree but..i dont have a choice do i?simply i want but i cant actually..and i damn proud to make a twist back,hehe..making i myself feel less guilty about it..anyway,can anyone else come and share and keep my secret?just anyone..haha

ah..someone..anybody..please..just wake me up when september ends..