Who knows?

take a walk with me, will you?

final examination in UTP is coming within days but still suddenly, i feel like writing something and i know this is something unusual for me to do. perhaps i just wanna waste some times.

but then again, out of boredom, i've been thinking yet again. why i am here in this place at first place? because i don't see myself, doing things i like the most, enjoying things i normally do, having fun like i used to be, and most importantly, being myself here.

well, you see, the problem with this place is that, it gathers "the best brain" from all over the place in malaysia, put them in a jungle-look-alike university, and ask them to survive 4 to 5 years while hoping they become totally well-rounded. it is actually a good plan IF they turn out to be PETRONAS employees in the nearest future. but i don't see the point of these future leaders if each and everyone of them is repeating/doing what their seniors did previously. i mean there's no initiative for them to change the things but blindly following it with/without minor changes. well, it's from my point of view of course. i came from different background with different experience so i can't say nor compare much, as i don't have the credibility to do so.

perhaps i used to be on top and now that i am sitting in the bottom, it makes me see things differently.

secondly, for obvious reason why i'm not enjoying here is that, i often being outcasted, except with the batch that i came in here with. i'm not a social outcast, i do try to talk or join in sometimes but now i don't really see the point.

if you in a group of 4, adding one more might seems ok and the car might just has another place for one more. and if you in a group of 6, then being the 7th guy obviously feel awkward. but in either case, say outing or movie night or maybe lunch/dinner outside campus, the probability of them calling you to join them is 3% because they are not used to have the extra member. well, maybe they will call you for futsal(because they don't have the number and they don't mind anyone playing as long they have the people to play)or mamak(provided others are not mamak-type or interested that time)

i do miss UMS sometimes, well at least i feel like i belong in a group there with my fellow friends there(because we are of the same batch). i'm happier there, laughing harder there, compare to here of course. in short, things(human) are quite complicated here. i like it simple there. not forgetting the number of girls at UMS too :D

those time i used to work hard/committed in doing simple stuffs/events/etc but now i find it hard to have that kind of commitment level here. as i said earlier, how to do with all my heart if i am not enjoying it at all. simple, ask them who am i and they might ask back am i a committee too? try it to believe it. one reason i think it is due to the way of them doing things here. although i don't mind applying/coping with new style/way but sometimes i find it pointless because they are some people who can't make me feel i am one of the team. mostly they just being a leader that lead the group and achieve goals(my roommate agrees on this-and we are STPM leaver :P)well once again, it just my 2 cent and personal opinion.

too bad, i can't reverse the time. by the end of my final exam, i'll be in my 3rd year and have another 2 years before grad. all i have to do is to hold on for another 2 years, and everything gonna be over, i hope.

well....
who knows what might happen in the future? nobody knows
who knows if i make a right decision? nobody knows
who knows how i might be if i opt to say in UMS? nobody knows
who knows how many people will read this and comment on it? i know-nobody :P

adios