Merdeka Merdeka Merdeka

selamat menyambut hari kemerdekaan malaysia yang ke-52..

i'm sorry..

after so many years..still..many ppl worry about..or concern about me..is this the life i suppose to gone through..?making ppl i care a lot..a love a lot..to worry about me..?i dont wan that to happen..

do u understand how does it feel..when out of sudden..the fren tht u care so much..who was talking with u..concerning about u..asking about u..worrying about u..cry in front of u..yes?no?u dont know?well..i know it very well..

could anyone tell me..why is this happening to me..?why must i hurt a gal after a gal..?why must i making them worry about me..?there are too many WHY questions but blank answer in my mind..

mayb i'm just a jerk..who likes to make ppl worry about me...cry in silence..i dont deserve ur tears..i'm just nobody but some1 who doesnt deserve these kind of attention..

faces after faces are now appearing my mind as i typed..i still could remember who..& how painful it was when a gal is crying in front of u..& i didnt do anything at all every single time it happens..quietly,scolding & blaming myself for making a gal cry..there's two women i need to take care of in my house,so i promised not to make any gal cry long ago..but i failed..

i thought i learnt the lesson..i thought i know wat am i suppose to do,suppose to avoid..but..i cant..i cant do anything..it just happen..just a wind blows..u can feel it but cant dodge it..why i hav gone all through these kind of experience..

lately..i upset some1,again..i feel extremely bad..& once again,due to my stupidness,i did nothing to cheer her up..i was only able to watch,doing nothing,like an idiot once again..how i wish she just slap me,wake me up from the reality..

once a gal told me..why i wouldnt share my stories,my sadness with her..she was pushing me with all her might..but i remain quiet throughout the conversation..i still remember,it was around 3am in the morning..all the others left the hall but two of us..she cried & i was shocked..she was known the be the strongest gal in her sch & yet,she cried because of me..i felt bad..really really bad..now,she even call once in awhile to check on me..i appreciate her attention very much..i regreted tht i could not do anything better for her..

i dont know..wat can i do..wat should i do..wat i must do..to change everything..back to normal..to change it,so i can live normally..without..hurting ppl..again and again..

pls tell me how..

it's coming..

it's coming..30-hour famine..

well,i wonder if i can tahan 30 hours without food..i myself cannot tahan even for 2-4 hours..haha..its a challenge..hopefully i'll be able to make it..

let's help the poor kids..we can make a difference...

Kehidupanku di UTP

Sesungguhnya kehidupan di universiti tidak semudah yang disangkakan..bangun pada jam 6-7 setiap pagi, berjalan kaki untuk menghadiri kuliah, tiada kemudahan internet di bilik, belajar @ bermain sehingga lewat malam..barangkali kerana aku belajar di IPTS sekarang, tidak sama seperti di IPTA..

keadaan kini telah bersilih ganti..jika pada awal pengajian aku di sini aku hanya menatap pada skrin komputer riba mahupun bermandi peluh dengan raket badmintonku, kini kehidupan seharianku lebih sibuk..kerja rumah dan laporan makmal perlu disiapkan, ulangkaji perlu dibuat setiap malam, mesyuarat demi mesyuarat pada waktu malam..oh, hidup tidak semudah yang kusangka!

sudah hampir sebulan aku berada di UTP, sebuah universiti yang ingin kumasuki sebelum aku berlepas ke UMS dan menyukai kehidupan di sana..tekanan untuk belajar bersungguh-sungguh dan berjaya semakin dirasai..aku bukan seseorang yang akan belajar 24jam sehari atau berhadapan dengan buku seberat buah tembikai..namun apakah dayaku?persaingan terlalu hebat di sini malah teknik belajar yang diguna pakai untuk SPM atau STPM pasti menggali kuburku sendiri..kata orang, nasib yang baik jarang berulang lagi..apakah aku hanya bernasib baik selama ini?

kelas yang awal bermula pada 8 pagi di sini namun aku terpaksa bangun lebih awal untuk menyiapkan diri dan berjalan ke bilik kuliah memandangkan pengangkutan tidak disediakan oleh pihak universiti sebagaimana yang disediakan di UMS..jika dibandingkan, UMS jauh lebih besar dan luas berbanding dengan UTP walaupun banyak kawasan yang belum dibangunkan dan pembinaan masih dijalankan di sesetengah kawasan..kebanyakan jadual waktu pembelajaran sudah ditetapkan; hanya satu atau dua kelas yang boleh dipilih masanya..hal ini menyebabkan aku terpaksa belajar pada waktu petang hari Jumaat dan sesetengah kawanku daripada kursus yang lain telah pulang ke rumah atau beristirehat di bilik masing-masing..

aku telah menyertai program 30-hour famine dan menjadi AJK..mesyuarat yang PENDEK seringkali diadakan pada waktu malam, di antara 8 malam dan 10 malam..tempatnya di kolej kediaman yang lain dan aku perlu berjalan kaki ke sana kebanyakan masanya(tiada motor, tiada basikal, cuma sepasang kaki)..walau bagaimanapun, 30-hour famine merupakan aktiviti rasmi pertamaku di UTP, jadi aku tidak sabar untuk menunggu ketibaan hari tersebut(walaupun aku mempunyai hal yang amat penting di Teluk Intan untuk disiapkan)..

dan secara tidak langsung, aku telah menyertai Tae Kwon Do semula di UTP..ketika "berhenti" di Form3/4 dengan alasan hilang minat, namun jauh dalam sanubari aku terasa sayang sekali..bertali pinggang hitam dan terpilih untuk sesi pemilihan wakil SUKMA(atau SUPER?sudah lupa lah)..tetapi jadual latihan di sini akan menjadikan hidupku bertambah sukar saban hari..pada hari Selasa bermula pada pukul 10malam sehinnga 12tengah malam (dan keesokan harinya kelas pada pukul 8pagi serta memerlukan sekurang-kurangnya 20minit untuk berjalan ke sana) dan juga hari Jumaat waktu yang sama(tak jadi balik dah)

Entah apa yang bakal menimpa aku kemudian..surat tawaran biasiswa belum sampai, tidak tahu buat laporan makmal, tidak dapat bermain badminton lagi, tidur lewat bangun awal..terasa rindu pula pada UMS..namun, apakah dayaku untuk mengubah perjalananku ini..tetapi aku telah memilih jalan ini dan nescaya aku akan mengharunginya sehingga akhir nanti..aku akan dan pasti dapat membuktikannya suatu hari nanti..

p/s-feel like writing in BM so..hehe..it's been awhile since i write something in BM..the last was Pihak Ketiga for & in the school magazine..hehe..

a call from KLCC..

i just get a call from Petronas KLCC..it sounds something like this..

Mr : Is this..erm..Chong..Win..Sin..?
Me : Er..yeah,speaking..
Mr : This is --------- calling from Petronas KLCC..
Me : !!!!!!!!!!!
yes?
Mr : Er..Congratulation..you have been offer a sponsorship from Petronas for your Undergraduate Studies in UTP..
Me : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr : Hello?
Me : Oh..er..ok...

(Cut the story short)

Mr : We'll call you back..
Me : Ok, thanks again..bye
Mr : Bye..

well..i dont know myself if i should be happy or not..i'm thinking right..is this the main reason i flew back from UMS..?is it all about the sponsorship..?or i hate the facts tht i couldnt get into USM,UTM,UM,UPM,UKM & UPU kicked me to UMS which give me the reason to myself to study in UTP & prove tht i'm not bad myself..haha..i am confused right..

being offered a sponsorship from petronas is not bad thing afterall though..just imagine..out of 1500+ application to UTP,about 30+ from STPM were qualified to the EduCamp(which consist about 570 qualified students from diploma,matriculation,A-level & so on)..& now in UTP,i could count the num of students from STPM(me myself..my roomate from St Michael..my coursemate from Muar..&............thts all???????)well...most STPM-leaver who scored higher than 3.33 will gonna kill me for this.. =.=!!!

but somehow,i still need to wait for their official offer letter & go through their terms & conditions before i really decide on it..maybe i could take risk for another sponsorship/scholarship???

but one thing for sure..the real challenge has just begin...feel the pressure..c the tension..there is nothing free in this world..like in Spiderman..with great power comes great responsibiliy..so..with a sponsorship comes the great pressure..hehe

i was .... and recently i am ....

well..where should i start..

how about "when i was in UMS"..haha..well,i kinda miss UMS,a lot..i guess u can c it clearly here,i'm posting the UMS song & song virtual view from here..i'm listening to UMS's song Bertekad Cemerlang almost every time when i online here..

during my last week of stay in UMS,which was the 1st week where every1 started their class,i stay in my room thinking if i was making the wrong decision(yeah,almost everyday)..looking at my roommate ah Loong,Jimmy,Khai Long aka Frog,Ah Chen,Ah Yang,Jason,Ah Hao busy going for classes(which will be cancelled later =P),doing assignments etc,i do feel jealous actually..how nice if i'm in their position too..frog did ask me to join one of the classes,but i reject to do so..now to think back,how nice if i actually attend one of the classes there..to be really proud as UMS student..

well,when the classes are cancelled,the next destination will be...1Borneo..i almost spend all my time there,either walking in it again & again,or sit in McD just to online..there were few times where my gang went to the game center(video games,bowling & pool) and not to forget,we watched Transformer there too..it was my 2nd time watching Transformer actually but indeed it was another experience..

and on my very last night aka day aka section with my friends,i'm still doubting my decision..after another visit to 1Borneo,at the night,i went to look for all my buddies..meeting Yang in cafe(& talked for awhile..our most memorable moment,he scared away a guy from knowing a gal..ganas kan?),seeing others in the hostel & talked & played a game..to Ah Hao & Khai Long(or maybe others),did u guys break my record by now,hehe..

and on the early morning(around 6am),i was totally prepared to leave UMS without a happy face..i managed to write a short letter to my friends though,i wonder if they still keep it(haha)..as i left UMS in the Pajero,i did not dare to even look back..oh well..

and of cz,a few days later,i went to register myself in UTP,& went through another orientation again..the facees promised it will be a different type of orientation compared to IPTA's but i guess the only real difference was the night where some students showed their talent..in UMS they performed a live drama with ppl sing & dance..& in UTP,i managed my very first so-called talk show..& it was TOTALLY LIVE during the performance..though i was a school actor,but facing the camera(hey,its not a low quality 1 ok?its almost like u r watching TV,fast,accurate & on-the-spot)is totally different..& i wonder sometimes when my fellow friends watching it in the hall(while i'm in the other room),are they enjoying it or was like "what was that?"..glad i made it through & since then,i was known as Jackie Chung(name as the host of the talk show)..i will upload the photos when i get the CD so wait for it,hehe..& during the "comercial break" in my talk show,others will perform the story of Si Tanggang(u still remember it,dont u)in the modern world..during tht time,i'll take my break,waiting for instruction to continue back..haha..wanna do it again next time =P

and of cz,the classes started the following week BUT we get early holiday on 31st of july..UTP is now quarantined due to H1N1..& before that its was actually Minggu Mesra Kampus(MMK)where students get to register to the club they wanna join..when the rumors about UTP is going to close,ppl are rushing to their room,packing,& getting ready to go home..yeah,just like pasar..haha..of cz i managed to cabut lari..back to hometown ady..

& due to boredom,i read Yang's blog..from the ODEC(i cant find tht place..ish) to the part where he wrote for me(so terharu..sobs sobs)..take my words seriously..I SHALL RETURN TO UMS..so do take for me my matrix card,the UMS vanyard & car sticker..hey,i'm half UMS ok?hehe