b---h

a new beginning as the sun rises to shine a brand new day

and i thought i had let it go a long time ago..but somehow there's some odd feeling kept hunting me when i saw the new status of her..what the hell am i thinking???

ever since that day..i never plan to look back..i never plan to even care about her life anymore..but somehow my heart always change my stands..it's like..there's a small part deep inside me..hoping that things will change and go according to my way..

there are times where revenge is on my mind..but what's the point of revenging where at the end, i might be the one who suffer from it..?even if i get my chance to pay back, i don't think that i can cruelly do it..i'm just, not that type of person i guess...

some time ago, a friend of mine came and told me some truth about her..and the ugly truths make sense..i mean, it's the kind of truth that everyone wishes not to know about it and inside your heart u know u r lying to yourself..the best part, i accepted the truth..i acknowledged it..all i can do it, make a fake smile and act nothing happen..

no worries though..i live my life with no regret so far..and screw her man..u have nothing to do in my life anymore so stop finding me for helps..pretending that we are close friend whenever i'm useful and act busy after i'll help u???i am sorry gal but that ain't gonna happen the next time i receive your damn msg anyway..i had walked a brand new path every single day and i am ain't looking back..

"screw u, i ain't care anymore"

path

the path that i am walking on currently

there was a time where i need to choose a path between two..i chose one..and i always wonder how if i choose the other..would life be more wonderful on the other side of the road..?i don't know and will never know..

there are some points in my life that i wish i could turn back the time and re-do some decision that won't make me regret about it now..

time machine anyone?

2nd year begins..

our journey looks so far away but everything is just started

and now i'm about to be called 2nd-year student/senior/junior in UTP which means i walked the quarter part of my uni life..but somehow i still feel the emptiness in me..i which i know why..

now that a year had passed..i guess i still couldn't believe the fact that i left UMS for UTP..perhaps a clear good reason will clear the doubt in me..

but it still sadden me that i am yet to find the group/gang that talks the same 'language' as me, or in another word - common interest, count-on-me-buddy etc type..but i gotta admit, there are great pals i met in UTP, some i consider as my buddy,but somehow i have a different feeling whenever i am hang out with them compare to those when i am in UMS..

well,i'm just finish my 1st year of studies..there are 3 more years to go..perhaps things will change slowly here in UTP..whether i'm happy or not,i gotta do it..because there is no machine that could turn back the time..the road might be long and looked so far away but it's just the starting point..things SHOULD BE getting interesting here, i hope..

p/s - i miss UMS a lot..kinda regret..sigh..but let's see if it is the best choice i've made..maybe in 10 years time?haha..

the past..now..and the future

our past might be carrying our sorrows, unhappy memories, or the dark moment of our life..one seems to remember all the nostalgia past very well..but we do forget that we had gone through it with all those happy moments, the top of the world feeling or unforgettable situations which give us joy and happiness..but human do prefer to remember the negative side of it rather than the positive side..

some agree what past remains the past..what is more important is who we are now..but as we fight through our daily life, problems or conflicts or choices become our next headache..we will be concerning about our study(especially when exam is getting closer), money(if u are using your own money for daily stuff or from your parents where they work damn hard just to give it to u), friends(best friend? sis/bro relationship? rival? emotion? selfishness?) or maybe something more personal..we will never know what comes next, and what would happen after that, and yet all we might asking for is some time to escape from this cruel reality world that kills our youth..

but however, what we are now might not be what we want to be in the future..hundreds of thousands of us are dreaming of earning big money, living in big house, driving our dream car etc..but how many actually achieve that? don't blame anyone by saying we never work for it or work not hard enough..the fact is actually our society kills our dreams..chances are basically given to those with experience(not fresh grad) or those with some kind of relationship in between or maybe from back door/dirty tricks..very few will be lucky, if their superiors are fair enough to everyone..and how many actually will ask 'how good are u in ... in real life' rather than 'what is your pointer' or 'which place did u get your degree from'..


just like the house in the picture..in the past, it was a home for a family but now it is left with nothing and nobody knows what gonna be of it in the nearest future..but nevertheless, hope that we do remember that our parents give us a home and grow us to be what we are today and never forget the fact in the future,no matter what happens..

smell the holiday

in less than 12 hours i will be free from utp for about 2 months(hopefully)..

next..i will be cracking my head to decide to buy a DSLR camera or to keep the money..

-taken during alvin's birthday with a sony DSLR-

so this is it..if i'm buying it then it will be a problem of canon or nikon..ish ish..let's see the result after i finish my final..lolx

it's been awhile

waoh..it's been awhile since i last post anything..

well let's see..

1-i'm in the middle of my final now where i am trying to survive..did quite badly.. :(

2-some coursework marks are quite good while the others quite bad..

3-moral studies suck to the max, trust me.. :(

4-decided to buy a DSLR..but don't know which model to buy..choosing between Canon EOS 550D or Nikon D5000

Friendship

Friendship is like a physics formula..it is easier to understand how important a formula is but it can be very complicated when we want to apply it into a question and the outcome might be correct and gain marks or wrong and you'll remember the mistake for the next exam..

Sometimes i do wonder..why it is hard for us to treat everyone equally..when u need help, u will find that particular friend for help..but what happens next is that u will never find tht friend again until u need help again from the same person..have u ever come across such a person?i mean,they will be super nice to u out of the sudden..via chatting or sms, they will use nice word to u until they ask 'can i ask u something' or 'actually, i have a prob..'..and later there wont be any sweet msg-s from them but a 'straight-forward task'..

Or you have a friend that is super close to you in the beginning of your friendship,and suddenly you can feel the distance is getting further apart..and the more u try,the more effort u put in,it doesnt work..the distance is still fall apart..more input no output..it is still a Newton's 3rd law but with a negative reaction..and somehow u might wonder why or wat hav u done wrong tht this friendship is slowly fading away..

but put in another way round..what would u do..if there is this kind of person tht u dont like tht much..but somehow tht person like to hang out wit u..talk to u..share personal prob..ask for your help or advices..what would u do..ignore or just say i'm busy..or try to be a good guy & at the same time try to maintain a distance?

wouldn't u say its complicated?its like an essay of problem for u to solve..it can be done by using one and the only one formula..but the tricky part is which one and what's the exact value to be used..if human makes friendship so complicated..what makes love?

what hurts the most is that u wont dare / cant tell this to them cz they r somehow important to u..well of cz not for those cold blooded type of person :P

1st 2nd begins..

my 1st day of my 1st year 2nd sem in UTP had ended..i was totally free the whole..its like i'm on a holiday or something..the only class(Engineering graphic) was at 9am and ended at 10am..then..oh wait..there's no lab for these 2 weeks..OMG..too free for now..

so i ended up in my room almost the whole afternoon and the later roommate asked me to go gym with him and i thought..why now.. :)

gym was fun but a little bit tiring..it has been awhile since i last went for a sport or exercise.. T.T
and friends next door decided to move to V5 so we too decided to shift into their room since david's room is just opposite ours..oh well..there goes the troubles and funs.. :P

well..life gonna get busier and busier week by week from now on.. :(

recently..

Chinese New Year is coming near..so i made some cookies during my semester break to earn some extra money..or in other word,its my part time job..well, i spent my money in it and in hope i'll get it back with some profits so i did not go anywhere to enjoy my holiday..still have some left in the room so i decided to post it in facebook and TAG TAG TAG..haha..the most popular sale was of course, pineapple tart..i almost sold every single one of them and kept some for UTPian..hehe

i sent an e-mail to my beloved Kak Azi and Kak Mas about two days ago..just to thank them for the wonderful week of STE in Permata Bangi..and it's a perfect timing and programme to fill up my boring holiday..i really learn a lot from the camp and i am actually hoping that it doesnt end that fast..well, its common for a camp has its boringness in the beginning but as it goes on and we get excited about it then we realise it's about the end of the camp..

not long after i sent the e-mail, i got an auto-reply e-mail from Kak Azi stating that she's busy with something on..and to my surprise, she did reply this morning when i check my mail..though she was busy with her stuff, she still has the timeto check her mail and send me a reply..and she promised me to write a longer when after she finish with her current event..i was like " O M G" when i saw her name in my mail box..i'm touched..

at the beginning, i planned to go to Stadium Putra to watch badminton Malaysia Open especially Lin Dan, Peter Gade and Taufik Hidayat are playing..due to some reason, the plan cancelled..i planned to watch the semi-final matches which seem to be interesting but now that Lin Dan pulled out and Taufik is beaten in 1st round, i guess nothing is worth watching anymore since i watched Chong Wei fought Peter Gade last year semi-final..well..lucky me?

semester break is coming to an end this sun and busy life will start again soon..just that this time will be a little different from last sem, since something happen..hehe..

i'm expecting to meet my friends back in the campus..and wondering how to organise my room at V2E-210 this time..its smaller than my room in V6..damn..

Sang Helang

Program 'Soaring the Eagle' (STE) yang bermula pada 3 januari telahpun berakhir. Aku tidak pernah sesekali menyangka bahawa aktiviti-aktiviti sebegini mampu memberi kesan yang mendalam pada diriku. Jika aku tak silap, program yang mendatangkan kesan yang sama pada masa yang lalu adalah 'Dharma Youth Camp' (DYC) dan 'La Sallian's Leader National Convention'.

Asalnya, kalau ikut hajat hati, ingin kuponteng STE. Tak kiralah hendak memberi apa jua alasannya. Sebab aku sudah membuat perancangan untuk pergi ke Sabah, negeri di bawah bayu. Sebuah tempat yang kurindu sehingga kini. Namun masa telah membuktikan pilihanku untuk menyertai STE adalah tepat. STE telah membuka mataku, untuk melihat dunia dari arah yang lain. Jika sebelum ini mataku sudah terbuka, STE memperluaskan pandanganku lagi.

PETRONAS Permata mengingatkan diriku tentang Grand Blue Wave Hotel and Taiping Bukit Merah Resort, tempat di mana aku menyertai Program Kecemerlangan BAKTI pada 2005 dan 2006. Setaraf. Aku pernah mendengar cerita tentang STE daripada kawan-kawan yang pernah menyertainya sebelum ini, tetapi, tempat yang digelar syurga oleh para peserta ini jauh berbeza daripada gambaran yang diberikan. Bilik berpenghawa dingin, pemanas air, gim untuk bersenam, basikal untuk dipinjam, gelanggang dan padang boleh untuk digunakan dan pool serta snuker tidak dikecualikan. Ah, tempat ini bagaikan mimpi indah untuk orang yang dijemput menyertai sebuah kem!

Tambahan pula, kumpulan aku (Group 2) terdiri daripada 20 orang rakan yang hebat-hebat belaka serta 2 orang facilatator yang memang terbaik sekali. Aku tidak mengharapkan sesuatu yang mustahil, cuma berharap ikatan persahabatan yang terbina dalam masa 5 hari setengah ini tidak mudah diputuskan begitu sahaja kerana walaupun masanya adalah singkat, namun aku sangat gembira kerana dapat mengenali mereka semua dan lebih mengenali kawan yang telah berkenalan sebelum STE.

Kak Mas (kiri) dan Kak Azi (kanan) yang mengendalikan kumpulan 2, pada pendapat saya, berjiwa muda. Mungkin mereka pernah melalui zaman yang bergelar remaja namun, kata-kata serta tingkah laku mereka tidak berubah seperti sebahagian daripada kita. Kemunculan mereka berdua telah memberi inspirasi yang baru untukku, memberitahuku impian yang pernah sekali berkabur menjadi mimpi masih boleh menjadi harapan yang menyinar di hujung jalan. Cuma, persoalannya, apakah aku dapat memberi alasan yang kukuh untuk terus mempercayai cerita masa depan masih menungguku untuk mengukir plotnya? Jawabnya sudah tentu aku ada.

Perjalanan 5 hari setengah di Permata sudah cukup untuk mendewasakan pemikiranku, sekurang-kurangnya aku dapat berfikir setaraf lebih tinggi dan selangkah lebih jauh daripada sebelum ini. Aku cuma berharap STE mengambil tempatnya sebelum aku melangkah masuk ke alam sarjana muda. Untung sekali junior-junior yang bakal mengelar diri mereka sebagai Student 1st year 1st sem. Semoga mereka dapat menggunakan peluang ini sebaik mungkin. Bagiku, masih belum terlambat lagi jika nak memulakannya. Walaupun mungkin terlambat sedikit, namun aku masih mempunyai masa yang tinggal untuk berubah.

Kawan? Eh, banyak! Ada roy, pete, zaid, deen, syuhada, allen, mazuin, azimah, fauzan, haziq, syuk, ridhwan, haiqal, dan imi. Yang lain boleh kata dah kenal sebelum ini. Namun, kehadiran mereka serba sedikit bakal mempengaruhi kisah hidupku di bab seterusnya. Aku juga berharap aku telah meninggalkan sedikit impak terhadap semua, biarlah dari sudut yang baik mahupun buruk. Yang baik terus dijadikan kenangan dan yang buruk dijadikan iktibar untuk diingati.

Ish..Berani korang ambil gambar tanpa aku ye..

Pendek kata, kem ini memang one of the best so far untuk aku. Mungkin jika aku diletakkan dalam group lain, lain pula kesudahannya. Jadi, bersyukurlah kita ditemukan dalam satu kem, satu tempat, satu kumpulan dan satu persahabatan. Si anak helang akan membesar suatu hari nanti, membuka sayapnya dan akan berterbangan megah di udara. Nescayalah.

I miss u guys..